Who i am
by myblackkitten
Summary: Jack's thought on himself as he is placed into another foster home. T for the use of the F bomb based on Who i am by Nick Jonas and the Administration


**Okay just something random that I thought of. Doesn't this song remind you of Jack. It does to me.**

Disclaimer- I own nothing

I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
I want someone to need me  
Is that so bad?  
I wanna break all the madness  
But it's all I have  
I want someone to love me  
For who I am  
~Nick Jonas and the administration- who I am

I paced the room of the house that I was in. My social worker had plopped me into this home for the night. It was too late to take me to take me to the group home. Daddy got in a bitchy mood and slapped around mommy. Did the same to me before someone decided to step in. I could just imagine daddy right now. "I didn't mean to"... "He walked into a wall."... "I've been going to my meetings... I been sober for three months." They were all lies. He didn't mean any of that. He meant to smash me against that mirror. I didn't walk into the wall. Shoot he hasn't been sober for three minutes forget three months.

I ran my hands through my dirty blonde hair and looked up at the door. A tall blonde girl, who looked to be a teenager, stood at the door. She threw a pile of clothes at me and I watched as she tried to avoid my gaze. She had pity and disgust in her eyes. Just like everyone I had ever met in my life. "Bathroom?" I asked, startled by how raspy and meek my ten year old voice sounded. I was so pathetic. She pointed towards a door. "There it is. Go in and go out don't touch anything. We know how much there is of everything." I rolled my eyes and limped into the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the light. I wasn't too fond of dark tight places. Not since daddy learned of my phobia. Nyctophobia. After he found out from one of his 'experiments'. He locked me in the closet when I wanted dinner and found that I could comply to anything when I was in the dark. He was so sick.

I looked into the mirror and saw how cut up I looked. My leg was broke and my eyes were encircled in black. I looked like I had went twenty rounds with Muhammad Ali and then jumped right into the ring with Evander Holyfield. I went into the medicine cabinet and rifled around in it. I know there was a razor in here. The house was filled with women. I found a pink on and cracked the plastic off of it. I also found a bottle Valium. Wow someone was getting up good. I popped the bottle open and grabbed six of them I was going to die one way or another.

"_You promise you'll let them love you jack?" Daddy's voice said huskily through the door. I started hyperventilating and whimpered, "Fine, just get me out of her." The darkness was creeping over me, its withering hands grabbing a hold of me. "Please... hurry" he yanked open the door and I fell out. "Good now hurry up we need to get you dressed."_

I washed the pills down and shuddered, trying to shake off the dark feeling. I pressed the razor to my wrist and took a deep breath

"_do you like that? Is that how you want it."_

I gasped out and turned on the bath. I needed to drown out my sobs. The razor broke skin and crimson liquid ran down my arm. I winced

"_you little slut. You like how I fuck you"_

Another line appeared and I bit down on my lip until I felt it bleed.

"_God I need you"_

"No. Please stop." I caught myself whimpering and I pressed the razor against my skin harder. I needed to end this

"_Is this what you want? Do you want to die?" _a mysterious voice said and I looked around_. _I was completely alone

"Yes. No. Maybe I don't know."

"_What do you want then?" the voice said_

"I want to be loved. I want someone to love me and want me for who I am." I answered aloud and bit my knuckle. Tears fell down my face,

"_Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it jack. Why'd you kill yourself?" _That voice said angrily

"I...I...I didn't mean to."_I stammered as the room went black_

"_Liar. You meant to. You can't lie to me."_

"I'm sorry." I yelled as I was enveloped in darkness. Hands reached out and grabbed at me

"_I want it."_

"_Get on your knees"_

"_you will obey"_

"_you stupid little bitch. No one will ever love you."_

"_No one will ever treat you as good as I do"_

"_you are nothing and you will never be anything"_

"_You are better off dead"_

"_God I want you"_

"_Do you like it? Is this how you want it?"_

"No" I yelled and opened my eyes. I was in a bright room. It smelt of blood and antibacterial sprays. I knew where I was. I had been here so many times

"what happened?" I asked a white haired lady and she looked up at me. "Hey jack I am Evelyn Mercer. Your new foster mother. They say they found you locked in a bathroom...with your wrist slit and traces of Valium in your system. The only way they knew you were there was because of the water that had ran over. I looked at my leg, which was wrapped in a cast, and sighed. My arms were bandaged up to my elbows. "They should have let me die. I'm just a waste of the states money," she looked up at me "What did you say?" she said in a calm and soothing voice. "They should have let me die. I'm just a waste of the stated money. At least that what my daddy says." I waited for her to start wailing on me. I should have said never mind. When do I learn not to talk back. I looked up at her and was shocked to see the tears in her eyes.

"Listen here. I know you don't know me yet I should tell you this. I love you so much and I hate to hear you say that. Every person is a gift from God and they deserve to be treated as such. Don't you ever think that it is impossible for someone to love you." I picked at the edge of the bandage as I tried to keep down the tears and disillusioned hope. There was no way for someone to love me, How could you love someone who can't even love themself?


End file.
